20-year olds, please get married when you’re ready to get married, not when you should.

As a South Asian American, I feel a bit predisposed to pressure.

I know I should be a certain size, especially because the only people who look like me in film are a certain size.

I know I should represent my family in a certain way, because my family either lives with me, or is just too gigantic to watch what I say.

However, one of the biggest pressures of all is one that many 20-year olds of many cultures feel, but that South Asians especially feel, is the pressure to get married.

[English Transcription/Translation:

Don’t get married because all of your friends are married.

Or because you are worried about what the aunties will think.

Don’t get married because on Valentine’s Day, you feel lonely.

Don’t get married because your little sister is next in line.

Or that you will have company in your old age.

Don’t get married because if you don’t, you will become a “marker.”

Don’t get married because your ex-boyfriend is getting married.

This definitely do not do.

So then…when is the right time to get married?

When you find the one who deserves your time.]

* Some notes for those who are new to this South Asian culture:

– An aunty can be an aunt, a family friend, a loved one, anyone who is a female and looks out for your well-being (i.e., a female who feeds you too much).

– A marker in the case is someone who is markedly different.

Katrina Kaif expresses a deep worry that many South Asians feel (men and women) that goes beyond just their age. It goes straight into the root of why it is difficult as a single 20-year old, a dating 20-year old, and a taken 20-year old.

Maybe a 20-year old 20 years with ads like this will face completely different pressures. Or maybe, hopefully, none at all.


5 thoughts on “20-year olds, please get married when you’re ready to get married, not when you should.

  1. While I agree with you about a woman, especially a desi woman, should wait until the right time and with the right person to get married, I also understand the parents view of “you should get married.” (not agreeing about age though) I think parents want someone to take care of their children and want to make sure that person is a good guy or girl. All the other society stuff is completely unhelpful and very detrimental to marriage and thoughts of marriage had by youth today.


    1. Apoorva, you bring up a good point…I never thought about it in the way that they are trying to find someone to take care of their children. I think it’s good to look at the idea of getting married young as a way to help both parties instead of just force them into an awkward situation down the road. Thanks for broadening my view!


    1. Thank you for finding me, agreeing–and KNOWING what it’s like to grow up in the culture, and I will absolutely follow you back! Love to read about other Desis.


  2. This happens in the Caribbean and African communities.. Well meaning ‘Aunties’ and friends, who MISADVISE young women to hurry into a union to sometimes less than suitable men! The idea being, that the women can encourage and inspire the man to do better.. The idea often doesn’t work… The women loses more than she gains, because she listens to ‘aunties’ etc, who don’t want her to be ‘lonely’.. Misplaced theory!


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